一篇英語(yǔ)文章如果通篇都是簡(jiǎn)單句或者單一的句式,就會(huì)顯得單調(diào)乏味、乏善可陳,也會(huì)暴露出作者的寫(xiě)作技巧之貧乏。靈活多變的句式能使文章增色不少,例如通過(guò)分詞、從句、介詞或形容詞詞組等將若干簡(jiǎn)單句整合成長(zhǎng)句,不僅能使句與句之間的聯(lián)系更加緊密,而且還能增強(qiáng)整篇文章的邏輯性,讀起來(lái)也不會(huì)枯燥無(wú)味。同時(shí),靈活的句式變化還能顯示出作者對(duì)于語(yǔ)言文字的良好的掌控能力。當(dāng)然,使用各種復(fù)雜多變的句式有一個(gè)重要的前提,那就是不能出現(xiàn)低級(jí)的語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤,否則就會(huì)適得其反。
例句點(diǎn)評(píng)
Choppy: The Art ofStrategy was written by Sun Tzu. Itis a fifty-six-hundred-word Chinese classical work. The writer put forth a setof principles in a very tightly compressed manner. They deal with how to defeatoppositions and win battles.
Better: Inhis fifty-six-hundred word classic, TheArt of Strategy, Sun Tzu put forth a tightly compressed set of principlesfor achieving triumph over opposition.
【評(píng)析】修改前這段話的問(wèn)題在于:(1)主謂結(jié)構(gòu)過(guò)多;(2) written和writer、The Art of Strategy和it、a set of principles和they指代的內(nèi)容相同,顯得重復(fù);(3)單一的句式結(jié)構(gòu)不僅顯得句與句之間的邏輯關(guān)系松散,而且顯得文字效果單調(diào)。修改后的句子將原文包含的五個(gè)信息點(diǎn)(書(shū)名、作者、書(shū)籍特點(diǎn)/屬性、主要內(nèi)容、寫(xiě)作目的)囊括于一個(gè)長(zhǎng)句之中,將“孫子提出一系列原則”(SunTzu put forth a set of principles)確定為最核心的主謂結(jié)構(gòu),其余次要信息分別通過(guò)兩個(gè)介詞詞組(in和for)以及同位語(yǔ)的形式一一列出,條理清晰,符合英語(yǔ)的語(yǔ)言表達(dá)習(xí)慣。
Choppy: Of course, theweapons at Sun Tzu’s time were quite primitive. The armies were very large.They were nearly as large as those in World War Two. The devastation and humansufferings were just as profound as in World War Two.
Better: Comparedwith World War Two, the weapons at Sun Tzu’s time were quite primitive, but thearmies were nearly as large and the devastation and human suffering just asprofound.
【評(píng)析】分析修改前的幾個(gè)句子可以發(fā)現(xiàn),它們?nèi)际窃诒容^Sun Tzu’s time和World War Two這兩個(gè)時(shí)期的武器(weapons)、軍隊(duì)(armies)以及破壞程度和人民疾苦(devastation and humansufferings),可考慮使用表比較的compared with結(jié)構(gòu)。意思相近的還有in contrast to、unlike、similar to等。
Choppy: Proverbsare short sayings. They are drawn from long experience.
Better: Proverbs are short sayings drawn from longexperience.
【評(píng)析】修改前的兩個(gè)句子的主語(yǔ)proverbs和they指代的內(nèi)容相同,因此可用which引導(dǎo)的定語(yǔ)從句連接這兩個(gè)句子,改為“Proverbsare short sayings which are drawn from long experience.”為使句子簡(jiǎn)潔,可刪去which are。
Choppy: People change andplaces change as well. Jennifer felt this strongly. She had been away foreleven years.
Better: On returning after aneleven-year absence, Jennifer had a strong feeling of how people and placeschange.
【評(píng)析】修改前的幾個(gè)句子之間邏輯關(guān)系比較松散。分析這幾個(gè)句子之后我們發(fā)現(xiàn),它們之間的關(guān)系應(yīng)為:“Jennifer離開(kāi)了11年之后再回來(lái),強(qiáng)烈感覺(jué)到人和事都變了”。修改后的句子把時(shí)間成分提前,后面是主次分明的主謂賓結(jié)構(gòu),句間的邏輯關(guān)系一目了然。
Choppy: Beijing streets are crowdedwith taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent. Thenumber has been rising rapidly in the last few years. The latest statisticsshow there are now 2.1 million vehicles in Beijing alone.
Better: Taxis, company cars andprivate vehicles owned by the newly affluent have crammed Beijing streets inrising numbers in the last few years—2.1 million vehicles at lastcount.
【評(píng)析】修改前的句子中有三個(gè)主謂結(jié)構(gòu),句式結(jié)構(gòu)顯得比較單一,讀起來(lái)令人十分乏味,且句與句之間的邏輯關(guān)系比較松散。修改后的句子是主謂加同位語(yǔ)結(jié)構(gòu),比較精煉、耐讀,且邏輯關(guān)系十分清晰。
Choppy: Moby Dick is a book. Itis a long book. It is about a whale. A man named Ahab tries to kill it. HermanMelville wrote it.
Better: Herman Melville wrote a long book called Moby Dick. It is the story of a struggleof a man against a whale.
【評(píng)析】修改前的幾個(gè)句子都是圍繞一本書(shū)的,書(shū)的名字、長(zhǎng)短、主要內(nèi)容、作者等等,但這幾個(gè)句子句式結(jié)構(gòu)太過(guò)單一,讀起來(lái)完全感覺(jué)不到句子與句子之間的邏輯聯(lián)系,且顯得十分啰嗦。其實(shí)我們完全可以用一個(gè)句子來(lái)理順修改前的幾個(gè)句子之間的邏輯關(guān)系:“XX寫(xiě)了一本XX書(shū),書(shū)名叫XX,講的是關(guān)于XX的故事”。由此,我們可以嘗試用過(guò)去分詞形式(如called)、形容詞形式(如long)以及介詞結(jié)構(gòu)(如of、against等)來(lái)連接原文中的幾個(gè)句子,使句間的邏輯關(guān)系更為緊密。具體改法參見(jiàn)修改后的句子。
Choppy: Thousands of buildings met the same fate. This alone is now beingpreserved. It marks the center of the nuclear explosion. It is being preservedas a symbol. It symbolizes our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.
Better: Of the thousands ofbuildings that met the same fate, this alone, marking the center of the nuclearexplosion,is now being preserved to symbolize our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.
【評(píng)析】分析修改前的幾個(gè)句子,大意為“數(shù)千幢大樓都遭遇了同樣的命運(yùn),唯獨(dú)這一幢標(biāo)志著核爆炸中心的建筑現(xiàn)在還被作為一個(gè)標(biāo)志保留著,標(biāo)明我們不希望再有更多的福島事件”。修改后的句子用了“介詞結(jié)構(gòu)+主語(yǔ)+分詞結(jié)構(gòu)修飾主語(yǔ)+謂語(yǔ)”來(lái)連接幾個(gè)看起來(lái)毫無(wú)關(guān)系的句子,使句間的邏輯關(guān)系更加清晰,又是一個(gè)突破簡(jiǎn)單劃一的主謂結(jié)構(gòu)的典范。
Choppy: I have always had adream. My dream has been to be a famous writer. Everyone would read my books. Iwould become very wealthy.
Better: I have always dreamedof being a wealthy, famous writer, read by everyone.
【評(píng)析】修改前的句子連用四個(gè)短句,且?guī)缀醵际侵髦^賓結(jié)構(gòu),句式重復(fù)單調(diào)。修改后的句子將“我有一個(gè)夢(mèng)想”和“我的夢(mèng)想是”合二為一,即I have always dreamed of來(lái)定位句子主干,再引出夢(mèng)想的具體內(nèi)容“being a wealthy,famous writer”,最后通過(guò)過(guò)去分詞結(jié)構(gòu)將修飾語(yǔ)“讀者眾多”和writer相關(guān)聯(lián)。很明顯,修改后的句子主次分明、句式豐富且邏輯清晰。
Choppy: This is a wreck. It was formerly the stately Imperial Garden. Itis preserved deliberately as a reminder and symbol.
Better: This wreck, formerly the stately Imperial Garden, is preserveddeliberately as a reminder and symbol.
【評(píng)析】修改前的幾個(gè)句子主語(yǔ)this、it和it,其實(shí)指代的都是同一個(gè)事物wreck,所以完全可以用同位語(yǔ)以及從句來(lái)連接,使其更加緊密。修改后的句子用了“主語(yǔ)+同位語(yǔ)/插入語(yǔ)+謂語(yǔ)”結(jié)構(gòu)。
變化句式的常用技巧
英語(yǔ)的一個(gè)顯著特征是可以輕易地將簡(jiǎn)單句轉(zhuǎn)化為復(fù)合句和(或)復(fù)雜句。復(fù)合句可以看做兩個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單句的集合,類似丈夫和妻子,構(gòu)成夫妻這個(gè)整體但又各自獨(dú)立;復(fù)雜句則是主句和從句的結(jié)合,類似父母和孩子。請(qǐng)看下面的例子。
簡(jiǎn)單句:My dog bit a boy.
復(fù)合句:My dog bit a boy and the boy was hurt. (and連接的是兩個(gè)獨(dú)立的句子)
復(fù)雜句:Although my dog is friendly most of thetime, it bit a boy yesterday. (although連接的是主從句)
將若干個(gè)關(guān)系松散的簡(jiǎn)單句整合成邏輯嚴(yán)密的復(fù)雜長(zhǎng)句的最佳方法是,先確定最核心成分,即主謂結(jié)構(gòu),寫(xiě)出主句,再將其余成分通過(guò)各種手段一一安排到合理的位置,常見(jiàn)的有從句、分詞、介詞詞組、同位語(yǔ)、不定式等。例如:
Before: LuHao graduated last summer. He joined the First Auto Works in Changchun soonafter graduation. He received an engineering degree from his college.
After: ①After graduating last summerwith an engineering degree, Lu Hao soon joined the First Auto Works inChangchun. (介詞結(jié)構(gòu)+主語(yǔ)+謂語(yǔ))
②An engineeringdegree-holder, Lu Hao joined the First Auto Works in Changchun last summer soonafter graduation. (同位語(yǔ)+主語(yǔ)+謂語(yǔ)+狀語(yǔ))
③Having graduated with an engineering degree, Lu Hao joined theFirst Auto Works in Changchun last summer. (分詞結(jié)構(gòu)+主語(yǔ)+謂語(yǔ))
【評(píng)析】修改前的三個(gè)句子主語(yǔ)所指代的內(nèi)容相同,但彼此之間關(guān)系太過(guò)松散,因此可以考慮采用介詞詞組、同位語(yǔ)結(jié)構(gòu)或從句等不同的方式將這三個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單句連接起來(lái),詳見(jiàn)修改后的三個(gè)句子。
中譯英實(shí)例
1. 我們?cè)诮哟业却孟穸热杖缒辏罒o(wú)盡頭。大約中午時(shí)分,醫(yī)生終于從手術(shù)室走了出來(lái),向我們報(bào)告手術(shù)結(jié)果。
不合格譯文:We waitedat the reception room, which liked oneday seemed like a year, and havewaited without end. It was aboutnoon when the doctor came out of the operation room finally told us theresult of the operation.
【評(píng)析】第一個(gè)like有時(shí)態(tài)的變化,很明顯在此處是用作了動(dòng)詞,表示“喜歡”,而不是“好像”,使用錯(cuò)誤;將“度日如年”機(jī)械地直譯為one day seemed like a year并不符合英文的常見(jiàn)表達(dá),而且and have waited without end在時(shí)態(tài)和表達(dá)上都有誤,建議改為“We waited at the reception room, which was painstakingly long.”另外,finally told us前要加and。
合格譯文:We waitedendlessly in the reception room, asthough the days dragged on like years. Around midday, the doctor finallywalked out of the operating room and told us the result.
【評(píng)析】句中的endlessly這個(gè)詞本身已經(jīng)含有“度日如年”的意思,可以刪去意思相近的表達(dá)asthough the days dragged on like years。
最佳譯文:Afterwhat seemed like an endless wait in the reception room, the doctor finally cameout of the operating room around noon time to announce the result of thesurgery.
【評(píng)析】將漢語(yǔ)原文的前半句以“after+ what從句”的形式呈現(xiàn)出來(lái),既簡(jiǎn)潔又富有創(chuàng)造性,且句子內(nèi)部邏輯性更加清晰。
2. 任何人都能觀看鐵人三項(xiàng)、馬拉松、公路自行車(chē)賽和帆船賽——全部免費(fèi)。
不合格譯文:Every one can watch triathlon, marathon, road cycle and sailing. They are allfree of charge.
【評(píng)析】Every one應(yīng)改為everyone;triathlon和marathon前面需要加the,且Marathon首字母應(yīng)大寫(xiě)(若marathon變成復(fù)數(shù),就無(wú)需大寫(xiě),也無(wú)需加定冠詞);road cycle應(yīng)改為road cycling。
合格譯文:Anyonecan watch the triathlon, the Marathon, road cycling and sailing. They are freeof charge.
【評(píng)析】句子本身沒(méi)有錯(cuò),但兩個(gè)短句顯得比較單調(diào),且句子間的邏輯關(guān)系松散。
最佳譯文:Anyonecan watch the triathlon, marathons, road cycling, and sailing—allfree of charge.
【評(píng)析】“全部免費(fèi)”是對(duì)前半句各項(xiàng)賽事的補(bǔ)充說(shuō)明,所以可以通過(guò)破折號(hào)引出,使句子連貫性更強(qiáng),而且更簡(jiǎn)潔。
練習(xí)
1. Memory is one of thoseabilities that we take for granted except when it fails us. So, memory is likedigestion in this way. (提示:去掉so,將兩個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單句合并)
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2. In 1998, France was the toptourist destination. The country attracted about 70 million visitors. Spain wasin second place, with 48 million tourists. This represented a 10% increase forSpain from 1997. (提示:分析幾個(gè)句子的主語(yǔ)之間的關(guān)系,將主語(yǔ)相同的句子進(jìn)行合并)
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3. An Ideal Husband is a film adaptationof Oscar Wilde’s play. It tells the story of a popular politician who wasinvolved in a scandal that led to his downfall. (提示:兩個(gè)句子主語(yǔ)相同,可合二為一)
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4. She sat obediently. Her furcoat was still wrapped around her against the cold. (提示:可用從句連接兩個(gè)句子)
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5. Visits to the state park seta record in 1998. Compared with the year before, it was an increase of 11percent. (提示:兩個(gè)句子主語(yǔ)相同,可合二為一)
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6. In was quite obvious at thattime that IQ equals intelligence. Since then, however, many people haveseriously criticized the idea. (提示:分析句子結(jié)構(gòu),后句theidea指代的是前邊句子that之后的內(nèi)容,可合二為一)
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7. Snow White did her choreswith a smile. Often she would sing while she worked. (提示:兩個(gè)句子主語(yǔ)相同,可合并為一個(gè)句子)
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8. Sitting in his apartment,drinking a cup of strong tea, Mr. Faxon reviewed his legal case against his boss.He had been doing this every night for seven nights. (提示:用狀語(yǔ)從句連接)
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參考答案
1. Like digestion, memory isone of those abilities that we take for granted except when it fails us.
2. In 1998, France was the toptourist destination with about 70 million visitors. Spain was in second place,with 48 million tourists, a 10% increase from 1997.
3. An Ideal Husband is a film adaptationof Oscar Wilde’s play that tells the story of a popular politician brought downby scandal.
4. She sat obediently, stillwrapped in her fur coat against the cold.
5. Visits to the state park seta record in 1998, up 11 percent from the year before.
6. The idea that IQ equalsintelligence seemed obvious at the time but has since come under muchcriticism.
7. Snow White did her choreswith a smile, often singing while she worked.
8. Sitting in his apartment,drinking a cup of strong tea, Mr. Faxon reviewed his legal case against hisboss, as he had every night for seven nights.
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